Act I of this farcical and macabre play takes place
entirely in the Brewster house in Brooklyn where the two spinster aunts of Motimer
Brewster reside. Mortimer, ironically, a dramatic critic, arrives with an announcement
that he is going to wed Elaine, the minister's daughter. Of course, the aunts are
delighted and ask Mortimer to bring her for dinner, but he declines, saying that he has
to cover a play tonight entitled, Murder Will Out. "I'll bet I
can write the review without even seeing it," he tells his aunts which turns out to be
dramatic irony. Disparaging the plot of the play, Mortimer suggests how it will be
played out, perhaps with a body in a window seat such as the one they have. When he
opens the lid of the window seat, however, Johnathan discovers just that--a dead body.
Horrified, he tells his aunts that there is a dead body in the window seat, but they
calmly acknowledge, "Yes, dear, we know."
Of course,
Mortimer is taken aback by this acknowledgement. So, Aunt Martha explains that they
have gotten into the practice of helping the lonely men who come to their house to rent
Mortimer's empty room find peace by having them drink elderberry wine laced with
strychnine and "a pinch of cyanide." When Mortimer tells his aunts that they cannot
give men poison elderberry wine, they say, "We don't stop you from things you
like."
In the meantime, the black sheep of the family,
Jonathan, whose face now resembles Boris Karloff, sneaks into the house with a Dr.
Einstein, a fellow miscreant who has operated on Jonathan's face in order to disguise
him since "things got too hot" in Chicago. They, also, have a dead body, a Mr. Spenalzo
who recognized Jonathan when he and Einstein hitched a ride with him. When they
discover the "Panama Canal" that uncle Teddy has dug in his belief that he is President
Roosevelt, they decide that they will later put Spenalzo in this canal. But, for now,
they place him in the window seat just recently vacated by Mr. Hoskins whom the aunts
quickly remove while Jonathan and the doctor are at their car. They have told Teddy
that the man has died of yellow fever and must be buried. After Jonathan places Mr.
Spenalzo in the window seat, Mortimer surreptitiously returns to try to hide Mr. Hoskins
only to discover that there is another man in the window seat. When he asks Aunt Abby
about him, she says that he is a total stranger, and, to Mortimer's questioning, she
indignantly replies, "Darling, you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib?"
Mortimer groans as the act ends. So the major
action is the discovery, hiding, and removal of bodies.