If you examine the point-of-view of Oskar's mom, what are some quotes that have to relate to "her feelings" in Extremely Loud and...

To examine Oskar's mother's point-of-view through the use
of her own dialogue and the dialogue of others, about her, is to look at two aspects of
indirect characterization. Oskar's mother is one of the most
mysterious characters in the book, as she, unlike others, is not revealed through first
person letters nor narration.  Remember also that every glimpse of her that we get is
directly through the traumatized eyes of 9 year old Oskar.  If she is a hard character
to understand anyway, than her son's perception of her should not be viewed as
completely accurate.

That said, Mrs. Schell could best be
described in the book as a woman who is sad, distant (from everyone, possibly), and
suffering from a deep sense of guilt.  It is not clear if the 9/11 tragedy and losing
her husband caused these characteristics, or merely heightened them.  I suspect the
latter.

One of the best ways to see the character of Mrs.
Schell is to watch the way she interacts with her son, whom (he believes) she can never
understand as well as his father did.  In conversation with him, she is very patient and
usually apologetic.  Oskar often engages her in petty arguments, lies to her, and even
gets away with disrespect due to her guilt.  Notice a typical conversation (from page
70):

She
said, "There's nothing wrong with someone needing a friend."  "Are you actually talking
about Ron now?"  ... "No, Oskar. I'm not.  And I don't appreciate that tone."  "I wasn't
using a tone."  "You were using your accusatory tone."  "I don't even know what
'accusatory' means, so how could that be my
tone?"

Her point-of-view is
strictly that of a mother, who must hold herself and her family together in the face of
tragedy.  She must learn to cope with her own grief and allow her son to cope with his. 
Ironically, at the end of the story, it appears Oskar's mother has known of Oskar's lies
all along, and was simply allowing him to work out his grief in whatever way he knew
how.  She admits after Oskar asks if she wonders where he's been, "I trust you," and
adds, "I assume you'd tell me if you wanted me to know."  In her final lines of the book
she tells Oskar his "dad would have been very proud of you," solidifying that though he
is unaware, she understands her son much more than she could probably ever
show.