The theme of relationship revolves around Sophy's
            relationships: Sophy and Sam Hobson; Sophy and Vicar Twycott; Sophy and Randolph. A
            secondary but influential relationship is that inferred between Randolph and his father,
            the Vicar Twycott. In a subtle examination of these four relationships, Hardy represents
            beneficial relationships and harmful relationships.
From what we know
            of Sam Hobson, in his love for her, he had always put Sophy's happiness and welfare
            before his own. For instance, when she was nineteen, he asked her if she would be his
            wife but only when he could provide a home for her:
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"You see, dear Sophy, ... you may want a home;
            and I shall be ready to offer one some day, though I may not be ready just
            yet."
Another instance is
            when they became reacquainted after Twycott's death and Sam encouraged Sophy to ride out
            with him in the clean air of the morning as he delivered produce to Covent Garden. This
            and subsequent excursions in the pre-dawn hours gave her renewed strength and permitted
            her better sleep than the sleepless nights that followed an invalid's days without
            exercise.
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"Now, wouldn't some air do you good? ... Why not
            ride up to Covent Garden with me?" ... The air was fresh as country air at this hour,
            and the stars shone, ... "There is no time o' day for taking the air like this."... The
            air and Sam's presence had revived her: her cheeks were quite pink--almost
            beautiful.
Twycott also had
            put Sophy's welfare before his own. He had fallen in love with her quiet presence and
            tender ways and his affection was strengthened by his duty to provide some relief for
            her after being the unintentional cause of her fall and permanent ankle injury. In
            marrying her, he provided for her future as well as for his own, and he moved his new
            bride to a prestigious parish "south of London" where her social inferiority would be
            less keenly felt by both.
The harmful relationship between
            Sophy and her son--which seems to grow out of his devoted relationship to his father,
            who must have shone compared to rough-bred Sophy--contrasts to these first two
            relationships by being centered on his father's and his own welfare, without thought
            given to Sophy's benefit or happiness. It may be inferred that Twycott did not defend
            Sophy before Randolph for fear that her influence in speech and manner might interfere
            with his future as a gentleman of first rank. Indeed, the seed of this social
            self-consciousness was present in his move to London:
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Mr. Twycott knew perfectly well that he had
            committed social suicide  ... and he had taken his measures accordingly. An exchange of
            livings had been arranged with ... a church in the south of London,
            ....
This examination of the
            theme of relationship seems to suggest that Hardy is identifying
            selfishness as the seed that tells beneficial relationships
            from harmful ones. Sam showed no selfishness, even
            selflessly waiting for her all those years between reencountering
            Sophy and her funeral. Twycott showed no selfishness in his
            desires at the start but his consciousness of "social suicide" revealed a
            blossoming selfishness at the heart of his motivations.
            Randolph demonstrated full blown selfishness from the start
            and his was the relationship that did Sophy harm.
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"'Has,' dear mother--not 'have'!" exclaimed the
            public-school boy, ... "Surely you know that by this time!" [...] "I am ashamed of you!
            It will ruin me! ... It will degrade me in the eyes of all the gentlemen of
            England!"
 
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